it saddens me..

the days are fast approaching and yet, i feel nothing. NO excitement, no anxiety, no everything.

yeah another year is added in my age of living and breahting life..

bu, nothing really has chaged in me..

I slowly examined myself and ask in an INTRA manner.. have I changed? i answered myself.. NO..
DISSAPOINTING.. WASNT MYSELF SUPPOSED TO BE AS ONE WITH ME.. WASNT MYSELF SUPPOSED TO BE BIASED AND AGREE WITH WHAT I WANT TO BE..BUT NO..SHE WOULDNT AGREE..MY ALTER EGO IS MY ENEMY...

SOMETIMES I TEND TO HATE MYSELF EVERYDAY..i tend to question..why am i like this?wasnt i supposed to believe in the crap "you're a perfect being".. but no.. i wouldnt...

i feel that am not supposed to be like this...there's got to be more than who i think i am.. if others would say that I KNOW MYSELF MORETHAN OTHERS.. I GUESS I WOULDNT BELIEVE ON IT EITHER.. they define me more than the definitions that i created in myself long before my existence..

day by day..its the same...

the only reason that am living is because of the people around me...
not because i want too.. but they let me..

things happen and they add to my distraction of innocence,,.. yes I WILL BE OLDER SOON..

BUT DOES BEING OLDER MEAN THAT I WILL LEFT THOSE MISHAPS BEHIND?

I DO KNOW THAT I'M OLDER BECAUSE OF TIME..BUT NEVER OLDER BECAUSE I CHOSE TO BE NOT AND BECAUSE I REFUSE TO BE...

SOMEDAY I WOULD WANT TO CHANGE . . .

AND HOPEFULL THAT TIME WOULD COME..

WHEN I COULD PUT ALL THE HURT BEHIND..WHEN I COULD PUT THE PAST BEHIND AND MAKE A NEW CHAPTER IN MY SO CALLED TABULARAZA OF LIFE..

YEAH..I WILL BE OLDER.. and am afraid..